I was five years old. It was a Sunday and I would be starting school the next day in kindergarten. My mother had sewn a red sleeveless vest that was part of my uniform to wear to a private school. I left out the front door and headed out back to the back yard.
We lived on a half acre with woods in the back yard separating the properties. As a child Bellingham Washington was still rural south and west of the I-5 corridor. Beyond that was the county and farms; no malls or shopping centers yet. As I headed to the woods with my new red vest on I crawled under the fence and while continuing to walk while looking down at my vest something caught my eye. In the top of my peripheral vision I saw something. I followed the vision to my direct vision. I didn’t know it at the time but the simple act of slowly following my peripheral vision to the direct vision is a kin to walking through the portal beyond fear and denial. More on that in the future. Above me on a clump of grass/dirt stood a boy. He was about my height only slightly taller. He had flat black short hair covering his entire body except for his face and hands. His skin was pale but his facial features were similar to the native boys. He was looking at me.
I looked at him. He looked beyond me over my left shoulder and that is when I noticed a head move and I felt the emotion of ‘it’s okay,’ from a very large round women sitting on her butt. I had walked right past her without seeing her. Still I could barely see over her shoulders to see a large brown furred head slightly turned back towards where the boy and I stood. She had given the okay when the boy asked “is this okay?” but his lips hadn’t moved. I felt the question along with the approval that it was okay for us to play. So we played together. We didn’t play like I played with other kids. Instead of eluding Russian soldiers through the woods because President Ronny Reagan convinced the children that the ruskies were around ever corner we simply walked through the woods. While walking we looked into things, I mean we really looked into trees, rocks etc.
To this day whenever I see the little blue bonnet flowers growing under a tree I stop to say hello to an old friend. I do this because at one point in our play I laid down while the boy knelt next to me. I was instructed and shown how to really look into the little plant with blue flowers. I breathed in the flower and breathed out myself to the flower.
To this day that flower and I have a connection whenever I see it. The boy taught me that. He had been taught that by his mother. Five years later we had packed and were ready to move to Arizona. I went out in to the back woods and climbed a tree.
That day the boy left me with a memory that replayed itself in my mind whenever I needed a comforting thought. That memory is with me even today. It was meant to be a ‘good bye,’ but I didn’t figure that out until a few years ago. You see, all those memories were locked away hidden from me until I was ready to re-view them. I was ready only after I had over come fear or at least learned how to control my fears and know the difference between fear originating from myself or being projected upon me. There is a difference and both are dealt with the same way.